my girls

The 3rd February will always be a sad day for me.  9 years ago this year my younger sister passed away at the age of 19.  The 3rd February would have been her birthday we now call it her special day.  It comes perhaps as no surprise that I never feel like doing much on this day.  

Before having my girls I would be very down on this day and not feel up to anything, but I now have my girls to look after and the last thing they want is their Mummy upset.  There are certain songs that remind me of my sister , when I hear them I burst into tears I just cannot help it.  One came on the radio whilst in the car before I had my youngest and my eldest could not understand why Mummy was so upset.  It was very difficult for me to explain, as a result I try to stay positive for them.

I show the girls her photo and try to explain who she is, but it saddens me that they will never meet their Auntie and she will never see them.  There is not a day that goes by that she is not in my thoughts.  We were close and had a special bond between us but that is not to say we did not have the odd disagreement or the perfect sister relationship.  The last thing she ever said to me was 'Those shoes do not go with that skirt' as I was leaving for my final term at university.  I remember the smile on her face as I left and the look she gave me as if she knew.

My girls have kept me positive today without them I think today I would be a total wreck.  I have held my youngest a little longer whilst she slept in my arms cuddling her and just thinking how much I love her.  

sleeping beauty


My eldest is currently sat at the side of me and she keeps putting her arm around me, I think she senses how upset I am even though I am trying not to show it.  She won't go to sleep and rather than getting upset with her over it, I decided I want her next to me where I can cuddle her and tell her I love her.

sitting with mummy

I cannot imagine the pain my parents are experiencing today for I only really truly appreciated how much your children mean to you when I became a Mum.  My girls are my everything and without them I would be truly lost.

This day I love my girls.

34 Comments

  1. Thoughts are with you and your family today - hold your beautiful girls close x

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  2. so sorry to hear about your sister. I know what you mean about how much you realise about a parents love for their child once you become a parent yourself. Can't have been an easy blog post for you to write today, but bless you for seeing the positive in today about having your two adorable children. much love and hugs xxx

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    1. Thank you, was a really tough day and always will be

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  3. I am so very sorry to hear about your sister. Thinking of you xxx

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  4. You make me realise I should value my sisters more - even though one of them drives me crazy! Hope your week goes ok

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  5. I am so sorry for your loss. It is always hard to get over the death of someone so close. I often wonder if the old addage "Time Heals All Wounds" is really true. You are fortunate that you have your beautiful daughters to help to keep your sadness managable. God Bless & Take Care.

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    1. I think time helps you to reflect more on the positives than remember the rawness of the death

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  6. Hi Leyla,so sorry to hear about the loss of your sister,I'm glad you have managed to get through this poignant day and I can see that having the girls helped you,kids are good for pulling adults thro bad situations I think,love Jess x

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  7. I'm so sorry for your loss, this must have been a very hard post to write. So personal, so touching.x

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  8. I have similar feeling on 30th April, the anniversary of my mum's death. And whilst it's got harder to deal with since having H (she died before he was born) in some ways it has got easier. He knows all about her through pictures etc and when he is old enough he will be told stories. Xx

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    1. I try to tell my girls all about her but I am not sure they understand just yet

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  9. So sorry to hear about your sister. A really beautiful post, thinking of you Leyla xx

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  10. So sorry, so tragic to die so young. Your children must be a great comfort to you.

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  11. I'm very sorry about your sister. She sounds very much loved though and she obviously had a very caring and special sister. Your little girl sounds so lovely putting her arm around you. I hope you are ok at this difficult time x

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  12. Sorry to hear about your sister. Give your little ones extra tight squeezes.

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  13. Layla i am so sorry, your sister i have no doubt would be very proud as your girls are beautiful xx

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  14. Sorry to hear of your loss. Years go by but the hurt remains x x

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    Replies
    1. She is always with me whatever I do

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  15. I'm so sorry for your loss. Lots of love to you x

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  16. I'm so sorry for your loss I got shivers reading as I can only imagine how great the pain of losing my sister would be. Xx

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    Replies
    1. Its not easy She is always with me

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