It's just hair.....

Four weeks ago I was sat at the hairdressers not really thinking anything out the ordinary. It was just a normal day. My hair needed cutting, and I was sat chatting away. The lady who cuts my hair happens to be a friend and we were having a catch up, then I caught a glimpse of her face and I immediately thought I must have nits. That was until she very discreetly showed me a rather large patch of hair missing. 

I hadn't really noticed any hair falling out, well no more than usual. Although looking back I had had to unblock the shower twice this month and it was full of hair, I just hadn't paid attention. The Dr confirmed what I thought, Alopecia. I was told no further treatment to be taken whilst I can cover up the patches and not to worry about it as usually in most cases it grows back in a few months. Try to change my diet and remain active, oh and don't stress as this makes it worse.

How can you not stress? It is a never ending vicious cycle. I am stressing because my hair is falling out but the stress is making it fall out faster. 

I mean why should I stress, it's only hair after all. That's what I keep been told, it's only hair. Except it's not just hair is it. So much emphasis is put on our hair, from the minute we are born it plays a role in defining who we are. Has the baby got hair? Oh look how much hair the baby has. Oh you must have had terrible heart burn with all that hair. From the second we arrive hair is a major part of us. 

The worst part of alopecia is the not knowing. No one can give you any answers. There's no way of knowing what causes the hair to fall out. Is it stress related? Is it diet? Is it some other trigger? More to the point how much hair will I loose? Will it be just the hair on my head or will it be body hair too? Will it grow back? Is it permanent? Will this be it now for the rest of my life, a state of loosing hair and regrowth or maybe just loosing hair? No one actually knows and no one seems to want to research into it.

Then there is the guilt you feel. I mean after all it is just hair, it's not like you have cancer/are dying/have lost a limb or add something else in here. Just stop and think about all the above for one second. I am now living with an auto immune condition that I cannot control. There is no medicine or cure for and I have no idea on the extent that this condition will be. I eat something on the 'has been known to trigger alopecia list' and I feel guilty. I can no longer enjoy my food without wondering if this is going to make things worse. I can no longer have a shower without bursting into tears because of the amount of hair I see falling out when I wash it, and don't get me started on brushing it. I guess I should be thankful that right now I have at least some hair to brush. Oh and let's not forget that alopecia also has links to other auto immune conditions so perhaps this could just be the starting block for something far worse. 

Now try and tell me it's just hair.

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