Am I ready?

This past week it feels like everyone I meet has one question to ask me 

'Are you ready?'

To which I simply reply with a shrug, how do I begin to answer such a question, am I ready?

But am I ready?

The nursery is ready

The hospital bag is packed and sat waiting

Tiny baby clothes are all washed, iron and hung up ready

The cloth nappies are clean and assembled

But am I ready?

The car seat has been ordered

The pushchair has arrived

The bottles washed and sterilised 

But am I ready?

I am ready to play with the girls again

I am ready to pick them up again

I am ready to take them out for a walk or explore

I am ready to walk the dogs

I am ready to start running again

I am ready to start my rehab in physio

I am ready for the pain to stop

But am I ready?

I am not ready for the wiggling and movement to stop

I am not ready for the judgement on how I choose to feed my baby or raise my baby

I am not ready for the pain of labour

I am not ready to start the worrying

We cannot agree on names

So am I ready?

For now baby is with me and only me.  I love learning about their little personality, I love our little chats and our little moments.  I love feeling them move, stretch and grow.  I love it when they have hiccups.  I love that they are mine.

I am looking forward to meeting them, but I don't think I am ready just yet.

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