The 3rd February will always be a sad day for me. 9 years ago this year my younger sister passed away at the age of 19. The 3rd February would have been her birthday we now call it her special day. It comes perhaps as no surprise that I never feel like doing much on this day.
Before having my girls I would be very down on this day and not feel up to anything, but I now have my girls to look after and the last thing they want is their Mummy upset. There are certain songs that remind me of my sister , when I hear them I burst into tears I just cannot help it. One came on the radio whilst in the car before I had my youngest and my eldest could not understand why Mummy was so upset. It was very difficult for me to explain, as a result I try to stay positive for them.
I show the girls her photo and try to explain who she is, but it saddens me that they will never meet their Auntie and she will never see them. There is not a day that goes by that she is not in my thoughts. We were close and had a special bond between us but that is not to say we did not have the odd disagreement or the perfect sister relationship. The last thing she ever said to me was 'Those shoes do not go with that skirt' as I was leaving for my final term at university. I remember the smile on her face as I left and the look she gave me as if she knew.
My girls have kept me positive today without them I think today I would be a total wreck. I have held my youngest a little longer whilst she slept in my arms cuddling her and just thinking how much I love her.
My eldest is currently sat at the side of me and she keeps putting her arm around me, I think she senses how upset I am even though I am trying not to show it. She won't go to sleep and rather than getting upset with her over it, I decided I want her next to me where I can cuddle her and tell her I love her.
I cannot imagine the pain my parents are experiencing today for I only really truly appreciated how much your children mean to you when I became a Mum. My girls are my everything and without them I would be truly lost.
This day I love my girls.