My Youngest

I feel such a bad Mummy at the minute.  All I want to do is play with the girls, but I can't.  Bending down, picking things up, twisting it all hurts.  I can feel it pulling and my muscles burning in my abdomen.  I am obviously very conscious of this and am trying my best to stop things getting worse.

The girls are so sweet though and keep wanting to help.  I sit down and they automatically start trying to take off my shoes.  They tell me off if I go to pick anything up and are just generally very caring.  It does however break my heart, I feel useless.  

I know in the long run it is for the best, I know that I have to do this to stop it getting worse but that doesn't stop the guilt.  It doesn't stop that ache, that pain, that longing to play.  I wish I could pick them up and give them a cuddle.

As I sat earlier doing my exercises, that I have been given from physio, I watched my youngest with pride.  She has grown up so much.  She comes home from school and gives me my fit ball and tells me to do my exercises.  After she makes sure I am doing them she goes into her room and picks something to do whilst I do them.  Today I watched her pick out some jigsaws and sit down to do them.  I always sit in the hall outside her room so I can see her and she can see me, but I miss sitting with her playing.

For now I sit and watch but it won't be forever and then I can play with them again

This day I love My youngest

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